Ramblings

Written March 28, 2014

I took a test on a whim.  After all of my usual spotting, I thought for sure it would be negative and we'd go on with life.  But I guess deep down I knew that it just might be positive.  I've just felt...off.  The cheapo test I bought a while ago for when we'd actually be trying this summer was positive.  And of course I was out of the good ones so I had to make a run to the pharmacy.  Which is exactly what happened when I found out we were pregnant with Zoe :)  And then I try to force myself to go to the bathroom again to test.  That expensive test?  Positive too.  Ready or not....here we go again!

I have so many emotions swirling around in my brain.  I hate that our experience in 2011 has tainted my excitement.  I hate that I have to wait for blood results and ultrasounds to make sure everything is ok before I can really embrace this baby.

But I knew that once I got the ok from the doctor, the excitement would bubble over.  This was definitely not in our plan (at least not for a few more months), but obviously God had something different in store for us :)

Thankfully, my sister was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G and could care less about the bridesmaid dress and was just down right excited for us (and happy that she now has an excuse to come home for Christmas this year :) ).  Davids Bridal is exchanging the dress at no cost so we are good to go.  Thank you stars for aligning!   

But how will Zoe take this?  Right now, the wheel of fortune as my doctor calls it puts my due date at November 16ish.  Which means Zoe will be JUST over 2 years old.  Right now, everything is all about "MINE!" and she gets very, very jealous if I even attempt to hold another child (as in I have to try to hold the other child PLUS her).  But how fun is going to be for them to grow up close in age?  They will LOVE LOVE each other.  I just know it.

And of course I have a million and one other worries surrrounding some of the hiccups I had the first time around.  

BUT...there is a tiny, squishy, newborn smelling baby in our future.  I get to snuggle that stinker tight and this time, I know exactly how fast it goes.  So I'll be sure to hold on extra tight.  Because before we know it, this baby who's just a twinkle in my eye right now will soon enough be a crazy, loveable toddler.