You Know You're a Mom When...

You know your a mom when...

1. You actually have a day where you are leaving the house, your child spits up all over your shirt and your jeans, and rather than taking the time to change, you say screw it and just leave with wet clothes.  Zoe does it so why can't I?
2. You get pooped on...all over your stomach while burping your child (yellow, chunky, diarrhea like poop) and you really aren't all that grossed out.
3. You now have a bucket and tub of oxi clean sitting in your bathroom indefinitely to help salvage your child's clothing after diaper blowouts...sometimes multiple per day.
4. You find yourself rinsing poop from clothes in the toilet (I have a huge aversion to toilet water...even if it's clean...it kind of makes me gag).
5. You hear your baby crying and you start bouncing and swaying from side to side.  Then you realize you aren't the one holding her.
6. You don't always sleep when your baby sleeps at night because she is SO noisy and you are worried she's going to choke, or stop breathing, or something equally horrible.
7. You start waking up at 4 am like clockwork to feed your child even if she doesn't wake up.
8. Your living room is now filled with multiple types of nipple cream, My Brest Friend, a pump, an itzbeen timer as a reminder when the last feeding was, and other such paraphernalia.
9. You spend an hour trying to get her to smile.  And when she finally gives one teeny smile, it's like you won the lottery.
10. You spend just 10 more minutes snuggling your milk induced coma baby at 4 am because she looks so peaceful and smells so yummy. 

Being a mom is such hard work.  But so completely worth it.  I love my little girl to pieces and can't believe how fast she's growing up :(

Breast Feeding Part 3...Nearing the End

This is a hard post to write.  And when I wrote the previous post about breast feeding, I had hoped it wouldn't end like this.  

I saw the specialist on Wednesday and they really didn't have any answers.  They still think I have a problem with yeast so Zoe and I are being treated.  But there were no answers why the other issue isn't healing.  

After too many tears to count and several mental breakdowns, I just can't do it anymore.  I'm not enjoying my time off.  I dread whenever the clock gets close to her feeding time.  And it's too hard for me to coordinate pumping and feeding her all day when I'm home by myself.  I know that Zoe can feel my anxiety and tell I'm upset. 

For now, I plan to nurse her during the middle of the night feed.  I may or may not continue to nurse her at her 8 am feed as well.  And I'll pump every 4 or 5 hours during the day and slowly stretch it to decrease my milk supply.  We have enough milk stored that we should be able to make it to 2 or 3 months before she'll be exclusively on formula.  Right now, I'll do every other bottle with formula and the next with breast milk.

Deep down, I know that I did the best I could.  I really, really tried.  And no matter what, she does have the benefit of some breast milk even if it's not the full six months like I had hoped.  

And I have the best support system.  I have really struggled with feeling like a failure throughout all of this.  I think that's one of the reasons why I have been so afraid to stop.  But everyone has had such kind words, helpful tips, and reminded me that I did everything I could and I need to be happy too.  Zoe will still be smart, she'll still be healthy, and she'll be happy (and so will her mommy).

Now the only challenge is to get her to be a little less fussy when taking the bottle.  She seems to think she can drink more than 3.5-4 oz and I know that at her age, her tummy just isn't that big.  And she fights every time we stop and try to burp her (give me more food mommy!).  I'm hoping that as we keep giving her bottles, she'll start to realize and remember that there will be more.

They Say It Takes a Village

I love being a mom.  Zoe is the most amazing little human being, and I can't believe that she's ours.  I'll do just about anything to see her little smiles and those cute stretches she does when she's first up for the day.  So incredibly precious.

But this mom gig?  It's hard work.  Quite possibly the hardest thing I've ever had to do.  I know we are incredibly blessed, but it doesn't mean I can't have my bad days.  Because I'm human, and I do.  And it doesn't help that it's slowly moving into winter which means we are stuck inside unless I can come up with a random errand to run.

Thankfully, I have the most amazing people surrounding me.  Aaron has been incredible.  He knows I'm home all day by myself and need a break sometimes at night even though he then doesn't have a chance to relax after work.  He's listened to me cry about everything more times than I can count.  My mom, my best best friend, her older sister, and everyone else that calls, e-mails, and texts to check up on me.  I definitely couldn't do this without the love and support of so many friends and family.

Earlier last week, my best friend sent me the perfect article about being a mom and the good and bad days which was so perfect.  And Saturday, we got out of the house and went to visit with friends.  Many of them are moms, so naturally, the women were chatting about how things were going, etc. and I was honest about how it's tough sometimes.  As one girl was leaving, she gave me a big hug and said, "You're doing great."  And I really needed that then.  I know that Zoe loves me and I'm doing the best I can.  But it's nice to hear it from someone else too.

So thank you to my village.  While my "village" may not all be in my immediate area (reaching all the way to Cali), I'm lucky enough to have the best people in my life.  I love you guys!  Now if only, we could work on getting everyone living near each other again ;)

Breast Feeding Part 2

I wish I could say it's all butterflies and unicorns now.  I would have thought that at SEVEN weeks postpartum, I should be able to say that.  If we only talked about one side, those are some pretty gorgeous butterflies.  But unfortunately, there are two boobs and the other side is a two headed dragon and just won't.get.better.  Ugh.

Zoe now nurses on the left like a champ.  No shield required.  I can barely even feel that she's doing anything (don't worry, I listen for the swallows so I know she really is doing something).  I can reach for things that I need, I can blow my nose (yes, colds have been going around our household), etc.

Then enters the right side.  I dread every time I have to switch to that side.  It makes me completely dread when the clock gets close to the next time to eat.  It's completely toe curling, bring water to my eyes pain.  I'm popping ibuprofen like it's my job.  It's not getting better and it's been SEVEN weeks.

I had my six week postpartum checkup on Monday and had her look at it then.  White spots had shown up which she concluded were yeast.  So now I'm treating a yeast infection (which started the weekend before).  She didn't say much about the other trauma, but to be fair, I didn't ask and I don't think it was noticeable while I was there.

After yet more sobbing fits yesterday to the OB nurse, my lactation consultant, my mom, and Aaron (yes, there were a lot of tears), I had another appointment today (I sobbed in the exam room too).  The doctor still thinks it's yeast even though the white spots are gone.  Our new plan is to take the yeast medicine for the next 14 days (she upped the dose).  She also prescribed a new cream to use.  If this isn't starting to help things heal by mid next week, I have an antibiotic I can use in case it's a bacterial infection.

So far, the cream has been much better than the other one I was using.  I'm also going to pump a bit more this weekend while Aaron is home and can help give a bottle.  This should help provide a little relief while things (hopefully) heal.

Let's hope this does the trick.  Fingers crossed.  Who knew this would be probably the hardest part about having a baby for me?  Let's hope that there is a "Part 3" to this saga very soon and it's ALL butterflies and unicorns...

Christmas Decorating

Those that have read this blog from the beginning, know that last year around this time was horrible.  Definitely one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through.  It's so crazy to think were we were last year at this time and that emergency surgery was in the near future on Christmas Eve.  This is definitely my most favorite time of year, and it was really hard for me to enjoy everything last year with all that was happening.

It is just amazing to me to think where we are now just one year later.  I'm sitting here typing a post while our 5 week old is snoring away in her bouncy seat.  We really are so blessed and lucky this holiday season.

In my family, we have always put up the Christmas decorations Thanksgiving weekend.  I can't remember exactly when this tradition started, but it works perfect now because I'm home to be able to help my mom.  And we rock out to some great Christmas favorites including John Denver, Bing Crosby, Perry Como, the Muppet's, and so on.

Since we are out of town Thanksgiving weekend, I always tell Aaron we MUST get our tree and decorate the weekend after.  We need to be able to enjoy the tree since we travel back to GR for Christmas :)  This year, it was a really warm day so Miss Zoe joined us on our tree buying adventure.  I'm so thankful it was nice considering we typically walk down the street to a local church and carry the tree home.  Since we have a 5 week old, this wouldn't have been possible in the cold.  However, it was a gorgeous day.

We then started putting up all the other decorations while Little Miss took her afternoon nap.  Thankfully, my mom supplied us with some of our favorite Christmas tunes last year :)  It took a little longer (two days) to set up what little decorations we have - someone was hungry every 3 hours :) - but it was perfect.  Now our house smells like a Christmas tree and Zoe LOVES the Christmas lights.  I have to turn them off at night to get her to relax and go to sleep :)

I can't wait to spend this holiday season with Zoe, even if she has no idea what is going on this year :)

Zoe Louise | One Month

Little Miss, I can't believe you are already one month old.  It seems like just yesterday Mommy and Daddy found out you'd be joining our family in a few months.  And to think so many months have come and gone and it's already been one month since the day you arrived is just crazy.

Certain times have been challenging for mommy, but I wouldn't trade any of it.  Daddy and I love you to pieces.  I don't think either one of us thought we could love one little person so much.  You bring so much happiness to our family.  We can't wait to see the little person you become.  But don't grow up too fast, I love my squishy, cuddly baby :)

Stats:  Baby girl is 21 inches and 9 lbs 2 oz.  Both are in the 50th percentile.  As Dr. Butry likes to say, she's a text book baby :)  And when I look at her, I keep thinking how she is getting way too big way too fast.

Likes:  Love, love, love being swaddled for nap time and bedtime.  I don't know what we'd do without her swaddle sleep sack.  Eating, and sometimes just sitting and pretending like you are eating.  This can be frustrating sometimes since mommy doesn't always like being a human pacifier :)  Being walked, jiggled, and moved side to side (which in turn is causing serious back issues for Aaron and I :) ).  White noise CD - serious lifesaver.  Bath time - you are starting to come around.

All swaddled and happy

See guys...I'm coming around to this bath thing.

Dislikes:  Being changed, dressed, basically anything that involves clothes coming on or off. Cold diaper wipes - you tolerate the first one, but think the world is ending by the second.  Bath time - it's turning into a like so I put it there, but there are times where you absolutely HATE it and scream bloody murder.  Being overtired.  Being put down after nursing.  This is really hard for me right now.  I'm supposed to pump 5 times a day to keep my supply up until she eats more, but I can't hold you and pump which makes for a very unhappy baby for 10 minutes.  I attempt to put you in your bouncy which usually always ends in poop going all over you since you just have to poop in that window of time :)  Early evening until bed time is also definitely not your favorite time of day.  This in turn means that poor Aaron sees you during your not so fine moments when he gets home during the week.  This doesn't phase him a bit though...he just snuggles and snuggles, even if you are screaming :)

But I hated it at first...

Biggest Achievement This Month:  Starting to work on a routine.  I try to keep you up for at least an hour from when you first wake up, eat, and then do other things until it's time for nap time again.  You are also starting to go down in your pack and play rather than with me.  I've realized you get too overstimulated being in the living room with the TV, etc. and just get mad and overtired.  It takes a few tries of my going in to comfort you, but you are starting to get the hang of it.  You also are sleeping from about 11:30pm or midnight to 4ish am.  Then you eat and are back to bed until about 8am.  This is huge for me.  You definitely have your fussy times during the day, but I'm so thankful the nights have gone so well so far (knock on wood).

Daddy trying to keep you awake in your bouncy

Biggest Challenge of the Month:  Nursing (see other post).  This is definitely getting better though.  I still get frustrated at times, but Aaron reminded me last night how far we've come which is very true when I think about where we started.  Putting it that way, I have high hopes that we'll get there eventually :)

Secret Tricks:  I've come to realize quickly that you can't have too much going on around you when you are tired.  Earlier in the month, you'd fall asleep immediately after nursing and sleep forever no matter where we were.  Now, you do much better being in your pack and play listening to your white noise.  You also love to bounce and rock side to side simultaneously when you are overtired or cranky.

Sleep:  You also are sleeping from about 11:30pm or midnight to 4ish am.  Then you eat and are back to bed until about 8am.  This is huge for me.  You definitely have your fussy times during the day, but I'm so thankful the nights have gone so well so far (knock on wood).  You nap in the morning for about 2 hours after your 8am feeding.  You then nap for about 2 hours after your 11 am feeding as well.  The naps after that point get a little sporadic lasting only about 45 minutes to an hour, but I'll take it.

We really need to work on a bedtime routine since you don't seem to like to go to bed until between 11:30 and midnight.  Since daddy takes this feeding, it makes for an early alarm for work.  I'm trying to keep you up more during the morning so that you'll hopefully go down better at night.  My goal is to have you eat around 8pm and then go down right away and have daddy get you up around 10 or 11 for your last feeding and then straight back to bed.  We'll get there.  Right now, he likes to be able to watch TV while he feeds you, which I think is too much for you and it takes a while to get you to calm back down when you are done eating and it's time for bed.

For being only one month though, I'd say we are doing really well.

Temperament/Personality:  Well, mommy is having a hard time with this.  Right now, it seems like you are only content when you are eating, sitting there pretending to eat, or sleeping.  I get about 15 or so minutes of you being content after you eat before you start getting fussy.  I think there are a few things going on.  We are pretty sure you have reflux since you spit up all the time and have developed a raspy cry and started Zantac for that.  I also think you have some gas issues.  Hopefully, the doctor can help with that too.  And, I'm thinking you might just be a somewhat colicy baby.  Beeba said I was a nightmare and screamed bloody murder all day long until about 3 months.  You definitely are being nicer to me than I was to Beeba :)  But I still wonder if you have a little colic.  We'll see how the reflux and gas goes...maybe those are the two issues and then you'll be a little more content :)

Eating:  You are waking to eat around 4am, again around 8am.  I wake you from your name anywhere from 11-noon.  Then you go down again (hopefully), and I wake you 3-3.5 hours later.  Repeat the cycle.  Daddy feeds you your last bottle between 10:30-11:30pm.

Randoms: You can still squeeze into your newborn onesies, but besides those, you are in 0-3 month outfits.  I can tell now, that we are going to have issues with your length.  That seems to be what you grow out of the fastest.  You are even pushing some of your 0-3 month sleepers when you stretch out all the way.

I think Beeba was right.  Some of your hair seems to be falling out on top.  You still have all of your hair on the sides and back so you must not be rubbing your head on your pack and play too much when you sleep.  I'm sure it will happen eventually though.

You have been in size one diapers even when in the hospital.  We probably could have gotten away with newborn size early on, but we just went with what the hospital did and returned the one pack of newborn sizes we had.  You still seem to have plenty of room in the size ones and you go through so many, we may need to go buy more.  You always seem to know just when you have a fresh one on and decide to poop two seconds later.

Milestones: You are pretty good at holding your head up already during tummy time.  You can handle it for about 5-10 minutes and then you've had enough.  You definitely flop your head around when we hold you upright so we have to make sure to hold on to your head for dear life.  You seem to think you are bigger than you really are :)  You'll get there!

You also can somewhat follow objects from side to side.  Your head movement is a little jerky and not really fluid when you do this, but I'm guessing that will come with time.  Nana said she noticed you try to follow daddy's voice when he's in the room and not holding you.  I've been trying to test out your hearing.  I guess I'm just being neurotic thinking you might have a hearing problem.  I'm sure everything is a-ok.

Outings: Thanksgiving was a big day for us!  We've also been on several walks when the weather was nicer, dinner out with Beeba, and a few other errands.  Nothing to major yet.  We need to get this feeding this down first before we can go anywhere too crazy.

Favorite Baby Gear:  Right now, we use your play mat for a little while.  You don't love it yet, but you don't hate it.  Thank you Uncle Andrew for putting it together!  Again, you love your sleep sack/swaddle.  You like your bouncy on vibrate for a little while but not too long.  And sometimes you like the moby and baby bjorn.  Basically, there isn't much besides your swaddle that you like for too long :)

And thank you Kate for the monthly stickers and for the huge totes of clothes to borrow! :)  Zoe is sporting both in her one month photo shoot.

Thanksgiving

I debated and debated about going home for the holiday.  Being that Zoe is still so little, I was nervous about her being around so many people.  I'm not really a germ-o-phobe person at all, but I definitely don't want her getting sick being that she's only a month old.

Since my grandpa isn't doing well, we decided it was best to go home so that he could see her (even if he only was there for 5 minutes).  Wednesday, we quickly packed up the car and headed home after my brother left.  I even successfully fed Zoe in the rest area parking lot.  Granted, Aaron froze outside with Wally, Zoe had a diaper blowout while I was burping her, and it was really cramped trying to coordinate it all, but we did it!

Thursday was BUSY to say the least.  Normally, we only do two Thanksgivings to keep our sanity (we tried three when we were first dating/married, but it became too much).  But this year, we knew everyone would want to meet Little Miss so we sucked it up and did all three.

First up was my dad's side.  Here's Zoe with Great Grandpa.  She didn't even need her paci. She was content just sitting and looking around.  The house felt like 80 degrees so I'm pretty sure she was loving the heat.  She takes after her mommy there :)

Next, we went over to my in-laws.  Zoe got to meet almost all of her Taylor aunts and uncles. She'll get to meet Aunt Dani and Uncle Brandon at Christmas.

And finally, we made our way over to my mom's side of the family.  My Aunt Cathy wanted a picture with all of her great nieces and nephews.  Little Cam wouldn't sit without his dad, so Matt was "hiding" since he's not a great nephew :)

And of course, we got some family shots for our first Thanksgiving :)

Since we had so many places to be, we unfortunately didn't get to spend too much time at any one house.  I'm looking forward to Christmas when we won't have to run around as much and can sit and catch up with everyone without being rushed.  And hopefully, we'll have Zoe's schedule worked out more.

Friday, my mom and I did our annual shopping trip while Zoe and daddy went over to his parent's house.  She got to meet her third Great Grandpa.  She's the first great granddaughter on the Menke side.  So far, it's been all boys.

Friday evening, Aaron and my dad went to see the new James Bond movie.  Saturday, we started helping my mom with Christmas decorations and made a quick stop to my in-laws so Zoe could meet a few other relatives.  Sunday, we packed up and headed back to Detroit.

It was a crazy weekend but worth it.  We love being able to spend time with family and getting to see everyone with Zoe was just precious.  We can't wait for Christmas when she gets to meet the rest of her aunts and uncles :)

Weekend

And...Beeba was back!!  I honestly need to break this habit of having her come every weekend.  She has completely spoiled us.  But I enjoy her visits too much to stop asking her to come.

Before Beeba arrived, Wally wanted a little Zoe time himself.  He's been VERY interested in her.  He loves licking her toes.  I keep that to a minimum though.  Future BFFs??

Beeba came after work on Friday.  We ordered pizza for dinner and she and Zoe enjoyed lots of snuggles.

Beeba experienced her first full bath on Saturday before our visitors arrived.  She was convinced Zoe wouldn't cry since she didn't when she washed just her hair.  Umm...chica HATES being naked and naked and wet?  Yeah, worst thing ever.  She screamed the whole time.  Daddy even broke out the new tub since her cord fell off last week while Beeba was here.

During the day, Zoe had several visitors.  My friend from college made the trip down from Bay City to meet Little Miss.  Beeba and Daddy watched Zoe so Jenny and I could get out for a quick lunch.  It was so nice to catch up.  We don't get to see each other nearly enough.  (I didn't get a pic of Zoe and Jenny together...she'll just have to come back so I can snap one later on!! :) ).

My BFF and her husband also stopped by for a few hours.  They were both in town for the holiday and stopped by.  It's been so nice seeing them so much!  If only I could see her every day.

Beeba, Aaron, and I went out to dinner on Saturday with Zoe.  We then enjoyed a quiet evening at home while Beeba continued on with her hat making.  Sunday, Beeba and I went to Meijer and planned to run other errands, but Little Miss needed to eat so we came home to relieve daddy.  Daddy also busted out the Bjorn.  She loved it!  I may need to bust this out during the week so I can get things done while she naps.

My mom mentioned her and my dad moving to a condo or new house.  Are you guys sure you don't want to move over to Detroit???

Postpartum

3 Weeks Postpartum

How far along were you when you had your baby? 39 weeks and 5 days

How long was labor? About 11 hours from the first contraction I noticed to when she was born (3:30 am - 2:40 pm).  Painful contractions lasted about 8 hours...well, they would have been painful if not for the epidural :)  Pushing took about an hour and a half.

Total weight gain: Probably about 37 pounds.  I think I was at 35 at my last doctor's appointment, and I'm pretty sure I gained more after that.  This number was really hard for me to see.  We did a last minute photo shoot to document my belly the day before Zoe was born, and it's crazy to look at those pictures.  I just had a lot of anxiety about the weight coming off.  Don't get me wrong, this little peanut was worth EVERYTHING, but it was still hard to see that number.

Total weight loss so far: While the weight gain was shocking, the weight loss has been awesome.  I attribute a lot of it to breastfeeding.  Also, there were a few days when we were on our own at first when I had a hard time coordinating taking care of Zoe, Wally, and finding time to eat so I didn't eat a whole lot those few days.  I know, it's not good for me at all, and I promise I've come up with tricks to make sure I get my food in too during the day.  

I stepped on the scale probably 4 days postpartum and was down about 10 or 12 lbs.  As of 2 weeks and 3 days postpartum, I had 2 lbs left to lose.  I think I had a lot of swelling and water weight in the end.  My stomach has gone down considerably.  I can fit into all of my pants again (with a little muffin top that I'll need to tone once I'm cleared by my doctor).  But my thighs and calves were huge at the end.  I could barely get into my jeans that I had.  Now that I can easily slip everything on, I'm guessing it was a lot of swelling.

How is physical recovery going? I really think that God cut me some slack here since breast feeding has been so challenging :)  I had two tears in the front and back that needed to be stitched.  I used the numbing spray and tucks that the hospital provided religiously.  I also made sure to take ibuprofen and Tylenol 3 whenever I could.  I wanted to make sure to keep the pain away.  It was hard to get out of bed those first few days in the hospital, but things quickly got better.  There was only one day at home that I was worried I might have torn a stitch getting out of the car, but everything ended up being fine.  I know I was really lucky here to be able to move around and feel ok.

I really feel ready to workout.  My mom and I took Zoe and Wally for a walk when we had a nice day here and it felt so good.  Only a few more weeks though until my doctor's appointment where I'll hopefully get the go ahead.  Although, I'm not really sure when I'll fit in workout time :)  I'm hoping to be able to do a video here and there at home and maybe go to the YMCA once in a while Zoe and Aaron get daddy/daughter time.

What do you miss about being pregnant? I really don't miss anything about the end :)  I was getting really uncomfortable, feeling huge, and was so tired.  I do miss being in the late 20 weeks early 30 weeks when I was finally showing, feeling great, and could feel Little Miss moving around all the time.  But, having her on the outside is SO much better :) 

How is nursing going?  Much, much better than the beginning.  This is a whole other post though :)
 

Have you taken her out yet?  Yes, we have gone to the pediatrician a few times.  She also had jaundice so we had to have her blood drawn a few times to check her levels (worse experience ever...I can't handle hearing her scream.  I think I cried as much as her.).  Aaron and I took her to Panera and Once Upon a Child when she was about a week old so I could get out and keep my sanity.  We went for a walk with my mom one day when the weather was really nice.  We also took her out to dinner when my mom was here.  Hopefully it gets a little easier once she gets a little older.  Since she's eating about every 3 hours and taking 45 minutes per feeding right now, it's hard to find time to go anywhere major.  I do have bottles I can give her of pumped milk, but I want to make sure I properly establish my supply (which they say happens at about 6 weeks).  I know we'll eventually figure things out.  She's only 3.5 weeks old so everything is still so new.

How/where does she sleep?  Sleeping has been going great.  Again, maybe I'm getting a reprieve since breast feeding has had me in tears too many times to count.  At about 3.5 weeks, she's been getting up usually about once per night/early morning to eat.  Then up again between 5 and 8 depending on what time she ate last.  I'll go back to bed if it's early, or if it's 8 I'll get up and get a few things done (like shower) before she gets up for her next feeding.  She loves being swaddled so I take advantage of being able to put her down in the morning.  She sleeps on and off all day after eating as well.  She loves to be held though.  I know eventually I have to break this habit, but they say for now, she's too little to be spoiled so I'm going to soak up the snuggles for a little while longer :)

Aaron and I are sleeping in the guest room for now with her in the pack and play.  We have a small heater so the room doesn't get too cold (our house is freezing).  We also have a fan on low for "while noise" for her.  If she's having a hard time falling asleep, we turn on her white noise CD which plays various tracks of white noise, ocean sounds, etc.  I then take her into the nursery to nurse her and we go back in the guest room when we are done.

The private lactation consultant I used recommended sleeping with her until 6 months.  I don't think we'll stay in the same room quite that long.  She'll eventually go in her crib.

What are you looking forward to? Having a little more freedom to get things done around the house and run errands (aka getting Little Miss on a schedule).  Thanksgiving is this week and we are going home to see our families.  It will be nice to have people around for 4 days straight.  Being home all day gets a little lonely sometimes.  Don't get me wrong, I love her to pieces and I'm soaking up every minute of our time together.  This newborn, snugly stage is the best.  She's laying on my chest as I type just snoozing away :)  Daddy, however, can't wait for her to give kisses and hugs back :)

Breast Feeding

I was told this would be difficult and we just needed to get through the first 2 weeks and then we were in the home stretch.  I had no idea this would be the MOST difficult part about having a baby.  We have really struggled and have just started getting into the swing of things  I can't even tell you how many times I've been in tears, literally bawling, because I didn't know if things would work, because of my pain and discomfort, and on and on.

I was worried about breast feeding even before Zoe was here.  And of course, those fears came to light.  She latched on right away when they put her to me after delivery.  From then on, we struggled.  The nurses attempted to help, but they really weren't very helpful.  The lactation consultants were so busy, they weren't able to come in and help until our second day there.  And of course Miss Zoe wasn't really ready to eat then.  Therefore, I was pumping and we were spoon feeding her the colostrum I was pumping.  I left the hospital with instructions to call to set up a lactation appointment once my milk came in.

I did my best to feed her in the meantime with not really knowing what I was doing.  She wouldn't latch on to my left side so I was exclusively pumping that side.  I finally coordinated it so that I could pump and feed her at the same time.  Since she was taking about an hour to eat, this was a lifesaver.  Of course, the hospital couldn't schedule me until the following week once my milk came in so I was doing what I could.  This resulted in so many tears.  I was so close to giving up several times.  Aaron gently reminded me why I was doing what I was doing (which I will admit, made me mad sometimes...I know he meant well though).  My mom made sure to tell me that no one would be mad if I decided to stop.  I was determined to make it work though.

I'll spare the gory details, but let's just say that my right side was pretty bad.  The lactation consultant said it wasn't the worst she'd seen, but close.  Well, when you don't know what you are doing and can only feed your child from that one side, I wanted to ask what she expected.  Thankfully, I'm on the mend and it's getting much better.  It was to the point I had anxiety once I got close to the 3 hour mark when she'd have to eat again.  It was such severe pain.

The appointment went ok and we had instructions to use a shield on the left to get her to eat from that side, pump 5 times during the day for 10 minutes after her feedings, and use gel soothies to help my wounds heal.

I then had a personal lactation consultant come to the house a few days later.  She was also super helpful.  Between the two appointments, we've gotten into a good rhythm so far.

At 2.5 weeks, we are using the shield on the left to get her to latch.  I've been told I should be able to ween her from this eventually.  I'm pumping usually 2 or 3 times in the morning after she eats.  It got to the point in the afternoon that I couldn't keep up with her demand and pumping.  I was running out of milk and needed to supplement with a bottle which in my mind defeated the purpose of pumping.  I then pump one last time before I go to bed and Aaron gives her that bottle before he goes to bed.  That way I can get a little more sleep since he stays up later than I do.  This has been awesome and I so appreciate his help.  He also takes care of her if she's super fussy late at night.  She had one bad day where she was fussy all afternoon until about 1:30 am.  He completely took over when he got home and stayed up with her until she fell asleep so that I could get some rest.  Poor guy had to go to work the next day.  But yeah, he's awesome :)  I'm so lucky that he's so willing to help.  It's still a little painful to nurse on the right but not nearly as bad as it was.  We've started using the shield on the right in hopes that it will heal a little faster.  I just pay attention to her swallows to make sure she's taking the milk.  There were a few times that I had to take it off because she wasn't really swallowing with it.

She's taking anywhere from 30-50 minutes to eat.  This should get faster once she gets a little older and isn't so sleepy while eating.  Right now, I'm taking her swaddle off at night and feed her for 20-30 minutes.  Then I change her diaper and feed her some more.  Then we put the swaddle back on and she goes back to bed.  Taking the swaddle off and then the diaper helps to wake her up a few times.  During the day, I strip her down completely and change her diaper, feed her for 20-30 minutes then put her clothes back on and feed her some more. She hates getting dressed so this helps to wake her up a second time :)  I've been promised that this will all get faster in the coming weeks.

Are things perfect yet?  No, I don't think so.  But, they are a million times better from where we started.  On the bright side, I have some milk in the freezer already from the pumping I've been doing :)  I'm glad I've stuck it out so far.  Now, I'm just praying that my supply increases enough since the doctor said she should be eating about 4 ounces per feeding by the end of this month.  That seems like so much!  If I pump, I get about 3.5 to 4 ounces from both sides so I'd have just enough.  I know though that my supply should increase over time to meet her demand.  Her birth weight was 7 lbs 15 oz and she's now up to 8 lbs 4 oz which puts her right in the 50th percentile for weight.  I can handle that :)  The doctor hopes that she's up 2 lbs when we are back for her one month check up.  Fingers crossed we get there!

Family Time!

My in-laws and Uncie Nate made the trip over on Sunday.  They came baring gifts for our little Chica and a delicious lunch.  It was so nice to not have to worry about cooking!  My mother-in-law (Nana) had six kids so I know I will definitely be looking to her for advice along the way :)

A huge thank you to Uncie Nate for coming over and spending the night with Wally once night while we were in the hospital.  It was so nice to not have to worry about him and know that someone was giving him some love.

My dad drove over with them as well and just drove home with my mom.

A Visit From Beeba

Throughout the pregnancy, my mom had planned to come help us after our first week home.  Because of the amount of vacation days she had left for the year, we decided Wednesday through Sunday would maximize our time with her.  Aaron went back to work on Monday, but only worked a half day because Zoe had her first doctor's appointment and I still couldn't drive.  So Monday went ok.  Tuesday, however, was a different story.  I had several meltdowns, Zoe cried, Wally wanted attention and barked.  I was just overwhelmed.  Needless to say, I was full out bawling by the time my mom got here that night after work.

Having her here was absolutely amazing.  I feel incredibly blessed that she was able and willing to take vacation time to come help us.  She did so much, I know it really wasn't a vacation for her. She cooked dinner every night, made us freezer meals for this week, cleaned our entire house, changed all the sheets, did every one's laundry, and helped out with Zoe.  I honestly have no idea what I would have done without her.

Saying goodbye was very difficult on Sunday.  So far, we are doing ok.  I was able to shower (even though Zoe was screaming by the time I was finished), eat breakfast after she calmed down, fed her, and ate lunch before noon.  And now I'm even able to type out a few blog posts while she snoozes before her next feeding.

I will admit, it's a little lonely without anyone here to talk to.  Well someone who talks back too since I do talk to Zoe :)  I know that will get better once we figure things out more and we get out of the house and I'm able to do stuff.  But I have tons of DVR'd shows and we upgraded Netflix last night so that we have unlimited streaming for me during the day.  Thankfully, Aaron is very supportive of breastfeeding (which I will be posting about those challenges...by far the HARDEST thing) and hasn't once asked what I did all day.  I would lose my sh*t if he did :)

And being super Beeba that she is, she offered to come back this weekend and do it all over again :)  Friends will be in town on Saturday and she offered to get all of the cleaning, laundry, and loving on Zoe so I can sit and chat and not have to worry about getting anything else done.  She definitely spoils us!

We love you and miss you tons already Beeba!  Thank you for all of your help and support through all the tears.

She made/attempted to make several hats for the whole family (only Zoe's worked so far).
And yes, we are now like 70 year olds watching Wheel of Fortune every night :)
It really made me feel like I was living back at home again.  It
was a staple at our house every night after dinner.

Wally's Transition

Aaron and I were both really nervous about how Wally would handle his new little sister.  He was REALLY hyper when we first got home.  We attributed this to the fact that we'd been gone for so many days and people were coming and going to help take care of him.  I think he was just really excited to see us after so long.

At first, he barked every time Zoe cried.  OMG, I almost lost my mind.  I could not take that.  Thankfully, Little Miss didn't (and still doesn't) even flinch when Big Brother decides to use his voice.  Nonetheless, it was annoying for me.  That stopped after the first or second day though.  I think he just needed to get used to her.

Since she's still so small and sleeping, eating, and pooping (repeat), she really has no interest in Wally at all just yet.  Wally will sniff her and try to lick her every once in a while, but that's about it.  The transition definitely went much better than to be expected.

I do feel bad for him.  I cried when we left him on our way to the hospital since I knew his world was about to change.  He's definitely getting less attention.  I'm hoping that once we get into our routine and know what we are doing, we'll have a little more time for him again.  Aaron does a good job of balancing it out since I am focusing 100% of my efforts on Little Miss and feeding her.

I hope Wally knows we still love him and that we need just a little more time for the adjustment period.  He's still my first baby!

The Birth Story

I really had no idea what to expect when it came to delivery.  I knew of my friends' stories, I knew of the stories I saw on TV and movies, but you just never know what your story will be.

Saturday, October 27, we went out with friends to have dinner and watch the Tigers in the World Series.  I left the bar a little early and went home to watch the game from the comfort of our couch in my PJs (the bar is within walking distance).  I told Aaron to stay out and have fun knowing this would be one of our last child free evenings.  He came home around midnight and thankfully hadn't drank much at all considering what was to soon follow...

I woke up around 3:30 am with bad cramping.  This had happened a few nights before so I didn't get too excited.  Then I started waking up every 10-15 minutes with time able cramping.  That was when I got my hopes up just a little.  By the 4:00 hour, I was having contractions, not just cramping.  Aaron woke up around 5:30 or 6 am when I was doing my breathing.  He was much more calm than I thought he would be and rubbed my back when I needed him to.  I decided at 6:45 am that it was time to get up and get ready to go.  I showered and finished packing my bags and Aaron did the same.  By 7:45 am when we left the house, my contractions were about 3 minutes apart and extremely painful.

We arrived at the hospital and get checked into triage.  This part was the worst by far.  They monitor you to make sure you are far enough into labor to stay.  The machine wasn't accurately capturing my contractions, so to the nurse, they looked 6 minutes apart which they would send you home.  I knew they were closer than that since I was obviously in severe pain.  Finally, the machine starting tracking them at about 3-4 minutes apart.  They also check your dilation to make sure you are progressing.  Now, they did this at my past two doctor's appointments and while it was uncomfortable it was not bad at all.  Umm...what they were doing to me in triage was sheer torture and so painful.  They did their best to do it in between contracts, but it was still bad.  At this point, I was 4 cm dilated.

They finally admitted me and pain relief was in site.  I worked on my breathing and staying calm while waiting for the anesthesiologist.  When that doctor walked in the door, I could have kissed him.  I fell in love instantly (not really, but close...) :)  I thought the epidural would be painful but they numbed the area first and I could hardly feel anything they were doing.  I could still feel the first contraction but it was much more manageable.  Then I couldn't feel the second at all.  Such amazing relief.  I give serious props to women that do this naturally.  There is no way I ever could have.

At this point, I tried to get some sleep.  I talked to my aunt on the phone.  My parents also stopped by for a little while.  I had to gently kick them out since I knew I was getting close to needing to push.  The doctor came in to check my dilation and I was 8 cm just before my parents got there.  The doctor came back after they went to get lunch and I was at 10 cm and +4 station.  Definitely go time.

The pushing was by far the worst part.  I knew the only relief to the pressure would be to actually deliver the baby.  And I knew that could take hours.  My doctor assured me though that it would go much faster since I was at +4 (+5 is crowning).  And yes, it was painful.  I'll spare the details :)

After about an hour and half of pushing, baby Zoe made her debut at 2:40 pm (less than 12 hours of labor)!  The doctor let Aaron announce the gender.  We were so incredibly in love with her instantaneously.  Aaron and I both cried.  They put her on my chest immediately while Aaron cut the cord.  He went over to watch her get cleaned up while they put me back together.  I did not have to have an episiotomy but I did have a second degree tear and needed stitches in the front and back of my lady bits.

My parents came in once I was all cleaned up and Aaron's parents made it to the hospital right then as well.

It really was the most amazing experience and so worth all of it.  I would do it all again in a heartbeat to feel that instantaneous love.

And so begins the next chapter of our life...

Daddy's Little Girl

Aaron was very attentive throughout the pregnancy and I knew he'd love this little baby and be a great daddy.  But I definitely was not prepared for the flood of emotions I would feel when watching him with his little girl.

It's amazing how you fall in love with someone and know you want to spend the rest of your life with that person.  Then suddenly, in an instant, this new little person that the two of you created comes into this world and you now look at your husband completely differently.  I never knew that I could love him any more than I did before.  Yet I do.

Seeing him with Zoe brings tears to my eyes every day.  The nicknames he has for her, the cute voice he uses when talking to her, the way he always wants to hold her, and is so worried when she cries.  Unfortunately, he has to go back to work on Monday.  The other night, he realized it was already Thursday and said he has no idea how he's going to leave her Monday morning.  Melt.my.heart.

And that's just with her.  He has been such an amazing help to me.  He was up with her several times into the wee hours at the hospital so that I could get my rest upon his insistence.  He has taken care of dinner every night, taken care of Wally, ran errands, gotten up with her and I at night even when he doesn't have to, and so much more.  I have no idea how I'm going to do this alone once he goes back to work.  I wish we could stay this little family of four each day for the whole 6 months I'm off work.

He also surprised me with a gift in the hospital.  I was definitely not expecting this.  He made it very clear for several years that he thought "push presents" were silly.  And I would never expect him to get me a gift.  But he came back to the hospital after playing with Wally and pulled out a little, teal bag (every girl knows what that means).  He bought me the perfect pearl earrings from Tiffany's.  Now I can finally get rid of the not so lovely everyday earnings I had that were about $5 :)

I can't wait to watch Zoe grow up with her daddy.  I love them both so much.

Welcome Zoe Louise Taylor

I'll post more on Zoe's actual birth story soon, but to tide you over.

Zoe Louise Taylor made her big debut on October 28, 2012.  Weighing in at 8 lbs and 20 in long.

I never knew you could love one person so instantaneously and so much.  She is the most precious gift and so worth the 9 month wait.  My heart just literally bursts.

I know that some of the tears are due to the hormones, but I find myself getting very emotional.  Watching the cute little faces she makes in her sleep.  Watching how peaceful she is while feeding.  Every hiccup, every little body jerk is just the cutest thing I've every seen.

39 Weeks: Watermelon

How big is baby: Baby is the size of a watermelon this week (oh how I miss them...) 18.9-20.9 inches and 6.2-9.2 lbs. 

Stretch marks: No.  

Sleep:  Pretty much unchanged.  Hip pain.  Waking up at least twice to go to the bathroom.  Still really hard to roll over.   And the World Series starts tonight which means I'll be attempting to stay up later.  We'll see if I can make it through the whole game!

Diet/Cravings/Aversions:  Fruit and sweets.  Apples are now my staple. 

Exercise:  Walking. 

Gender: We'll find out in a few days/weeks!  We're ready any time now. 

Movement: All the time.  Still some rather uncomfortable jabs to the right side.  More and more hiccups now too.  

The belly:  Definitely there.  

What I'm spazzing about:  Nothing really.  I'm nervous in general, but not about any one thing in particular.  It's weird, but right now, I'm not really nervous about the delivery.  But don't worry, I know I will be soon enough.  I'm more nervous about the recovery.  I'm just so ready to get my body back in shape and I know that I'm really not supposed to work out until at least 6 weeks pospartum.  I'm hoping that I'll feel up to walking at least.

I'm also really worried about nursing.  I hear so many stories of people giving up, people who physically can't do it for one reason or another.  I know they say the first two weeks are the worst and I just need to make it through that period.  But I'm so worried it's going to be really bad even beyond that point.  I have tons of books I've been reading and have another I need to get to which will hopefully help.  And I have several friends who have offered great support and told me to call whenever with questions which is so nice.  I just need to have confidence that I CAN do this.  It's what's best for baby, plus I get the added bonus of saving money and hopefully shedding the weight faster :)  


What I'm loving:  Being so close!  While I have my moments, we are definitely excited and ready :) 

Symptoms:  Sore hips at night.  Still some reflux but it's gotten better.  Cramping and more and more braxton hicks contractions.  Swollen feet and ankles.  Pretty much unchanged.  The cramping was really bad last night.  So much so that I thought maybe it was the start of labor, but I was able to fall back asleep each time I got up and obviously nothing now.  Oh well, the time will come eventually. 

I progressed a little from last week.  I'm now 3 cm dilated.  Baby is at a -2 station so the head is dropping. 

What I'm looking forward to:  Baby's arrival!        

Best moment of the week:  I saw a woman at work, and she just kept telling me how great I looked.  I don't really know her and don't see her much at all, and she said she saw me from behind the other day and had no idea I was even near my due date let alone one week away.  She said you couldn't even tell I was pregnant.  I definitely like hearing that :)

Final Meal

During our birthing class, the nurse told us multiple times to make sure I eat BEFORE going to the hospital.  Once I get there, I really won't be allowed to eat.  Of course, she said to make sure to bring plenty of snacks for Aaron...so not fair that I have to watch him eat.  But maybe labor will go fast and I won't be starving...yeah, right :)

Anyhow, we've heard it from multiple people.  Eat, eat, eat once labor starts.  Stop on the way to the hospital and grab something, etc.  Two of Aaron's coworkers recently had babies and were giving him advice yesterday.  Food came up yet again which got me thinking, where will my last meal be?

Now, I don't mean where are Aaron and I going together as our last night out just the two of us.  We already have that one planned this weekend.  We're doing it up in style at Roast in downtown Detroit.  I'm talking, I need to get something quick when I'm in labor.

Labor can start at any time, so what place is open 24 hours that I love?  None other than the golden arches.  And what would I eat every time I go there except that it's the HIGHEST calorie meal on the menu (I'm pretty sure, I haven't actually verified)?  A BIG MAC meal.  Two patties, special sauce, and cheese...I can just hear the jingle.  And my mouth is watering.  They say that labor is one of the toughest, longest, highest calorie burning workout of your life.  So I think I deserve the right to eat a Big Mac and fry from McDonald's :) 

Is it wrong that I'm actually excited because I really want a Big Mac?  Let's just hope I can actually stomach food at that point.  If not, I'll make it my celebratory meal AFTER the baby is born :)  Good thing McDonald's is just steps away from the hospital.

38 Weeks: Pumpkin

How big is baby: Baby is the size of a pumpkin this week (happy October!) 18.9-20.9 inches and 6.2-9.2 lbs. 

Stretch marks: No.  

Sleep:  Hip pain.  Waking up at least twice now to go to the bathroom.  Still really hard to roll over.   Exactly the same as last week.  Now that work has slowed WAY down, I've been sleeping in until 7 am which has been so nice.  Especially since I've decided I must stay up and watch the Tigers :)

Diet/Cravings/Aversions:  Fruit and sweets.  Apples are now my staple.  I stocked up on apples and clementines at Sams Club this weekend.

Exercise:  Walking.  I do wish my mom and BFF lived closer.  It's nice having a walking buddy!

Gender: We'll find out in a FEW WEEKS!

Movement: All the time.  Still some rather uncomfortable jabs to the right side.  More and more hiccups now too.  

The belly:  Definitely there.  

What I'm spazzing about:  I'm starting to freak out a little that this baby may decide to come on election day which for us does not matter.  However, my dad works at their local township offices and that is probably the busiest day for him.    

What I'm loving:  Having less than two weeks!  Well, less than two weeks until our due date.  We'll see when this baby decides to make his/her appearance. 

Symptoms:  Sore hips at night.  Still some reflux but it's gotten better.  Cramping and more and more braxton hicks contractions.  Swollen feet and ankles.  And let's just say, some trouble going to the bathroom...I'll leave it at that :) 

I progressed a little from last week.  I'm now 2.5 cm dilated.  So not a ton of progress, but I'll take it!

What I'm looking forward to:  Our pre-baby weekend this weekend!  My goal is to get all of my cleaning done before Saturday so that we can just relax.  But we're going to do the cider mill and dinner downtown.  I'm excited :)        

Best moment of the week:  Being done with busy season!!  Such a huge relief.  Although, now I have almost nothing to do at work since I've transitioned everything for my maternity leave which has made the days drag.  I guess I always have to complain about something, right? :)  I've had stuff going on this week though that I've had to leave early for.  Coming in later helps too.  For now, my last day is tentatively November 2, assuming this baby doesn't come early.  I figure that way, I'm ending on a Friday, and the baby could have a full week/or partial week at day care as our trial run before I actually go back to work.  I know I'm probably going to have an extremely difficult time with that part, so I think having a few "fake" days where I can drop baby off for a few hours to get my feet wet will be good for me.