Work/Life Balance...Is Hard

First, my company is awesome at helping with this.  Just wanted to throw that disclaimer out there since I'm friends with co-workers on FB :)

Going back to work was hard.  After spending 6 full months with Zoe, I didn't want to leave her.  Did I need a break once in a while for just "me" time?  Yes.  But did I want 40+ hours away from her?  No, if I'm being honest.  I realize I was extremely fortunate to have those full 6 months and still have a job to go back to.  We had a lot of saving to do before my maternity leave, but it was so worth it in the end.  We made it through the colic and anxiety (me not Zoe), got through to the "happy" side :), and still had a few months to enjoy. 

Six months into this journey, I had to go back.  Staying at home wasn't an option for us.  And I do believe that interaction with other kids and adults is good for her (or maybe I tell myself that because I can't stay at home...).  Thankfully, my work has a Tailored Work Arrangement program for parents and I was given free reign on what I could do.  You may think, "that's great!"  Except, how do you pick something when you have so many choices and have no idea what will work for you?  I was overwhelmed to say the least.  I talked to several women partners and associates who either are currently doing a TWA or did one in the past to get some ideas.  And most of them have done several different things.  I kind of pieced together what I thought would work for me and came up with my new arrangement.

I've reduced my hours to just over 43 a week (yes, in the accounting world, 40 hours is not a standard work week - although is it anywhere anymore?).  It came with it's consequences but getting to see Zoe before work, pick her up from daycare, and work from home on Fridays has been very much worth it. 

It took a while, but we finally got into our new "normal."  I have my schedule down pretty well for cleaning and laundry and grocery shopping.  Zoe is in bed by 7:30-8pm so that leaves plenty of time in the evenings to get other random stuff done as well.  I just have to make sure to soak up every ounce of those 2 hours we have after work before she goes to bed.  She's 11 months old and crazy as can be - crawling everywhere, wanting to walk but needing help, eating her favorite foods like a champ, throwing her toys everywhere, reading her books OVER and OVER and OVER (I have Llama Llama memorized), talking in her own language and sometimes using her demon voice as Aaron has dubbed it.  Running around with her can be exhausting, but it's SO MUCH FUN.  I get to relive my childhood through her and actually remember it all :)

We're now in the heart of our busy season which has had it's challenges.  I can't stay late just any day anymore.  I have to coordinate with Aaron to make sure it works in his schedule.  And since I can't do it often, I try to make those days count which means I'm staying until after 8pm.  Which means I don't get to see Zoe.  So far, I've only been doing it one night a week so it's doable.  But I miss her.  And it makes for a busy night when I get home trying to eat, and get things around for the next day and get to bed at a decent time since I'm up at 6am.  And throw in that I'm now trying to squeeze in a few hours when I'm home either when Zoe's in bed for the night or napping on the weekends makes for one tired mamma. 

Is it October 15 yet?  I keep joking with everyone that for better or worse, we have less than 15 days left.  That's what I keep telling myself.

And because no post is right without a picture of Zoe...

Going Back to Work

We now have a whole new "normal" to figure out now that I'm back to work.  I felt like I was JUST getting the hang of being home all day.  I was finally in a really happy place.  Zoe was finally in a happy place (thank you end of colic!).  We had a good schedule going and the weather was finally turning warmer.

Enter the end of my six month leave.  Suddenly, I now have to get myself ready in the morning plus feed a tiny human.  How it takes me so long to get out the door, I have no idea.  I only have to give her a bottle, and Aaron takes care of the rest.  But some days her sheets are gross and I have to change them, or she pooped through her PJs and I have to soak them, or she is just so darn stinkin' cute I have no desire to leave her (which is pretty much every day) so I dawdle a little longer.

Her naps at day care are hit or miss.  One day she might nap 4 MINUTES (I still find it hilarious that they record this...at least I know they are serious about their license :) ) and then maybe another half hour nap.  But other days she'll nap for an hour and half plus a forty-five minute nap. 

And I can't stop worrying about her all day.  I stare at the clock just waiting for 4:45 to hit so I can shut down and get to my car as fast as my heals will take me and then curse at the traffic for taking me 45 minutes to get to my little goose.  She's the highlight of my day and I hate that during the week, I only get a good 1.5-2 hours at most with her before it's bedtime.  And lately, she naps on the way home and in her car seat until 6:30 which cuts down our time together even more.

Then enter all of my other tasks around the house that I cannot seem to fit in.  Like cleaning.  I went TWO whole weeks without cleaning my house.  So not like me.  But I just didn't have time (I scrubbed yesterday for the record).  And laundry, and grocery shopping, and miscellaneous errands, and doing yard work, and cooking a meal that's not a sandwich or salad. 

My mom promised that it's just this stage of life.  She had the same hurdles to get over when we were little.  And she said I just have to get in the mindset that my house may not be clean, uncluttered yes, clean no.  And other things may need to fall through the cracks.  But I won't be able to get back those baby giggles or tub splashes that I missed because I was so obsessed with the to-do list I never seem to be able to finish.

I know we'll figure this all out eventually.  And as much as I miss her during the day, I know Zoe loves school and she's meeting new friends and learning to adapt to new situations.  And I get a little me time with adult conversation.  

And I rarely have to change a poopy diaper (thank you Zoe for always taking care of business during the day ;) ).  At least there is a small upside!

Getting to spend time together OUTSIDE after work is the
highlight of my day.  LOVE those thigh rolls :)

Less Than One Month

Sunday marked one month until our little goose starts day care. The first four days are just trial runs for us. We can drop her off and pick her up anytime. I'm purposely scheduling things for myself so that I can keep busy while she's there and I haven't gone back to work yet. I'm just dreading it. I'm excited to see everyone. I'm excited to have adult conversation during the day. But I'm going to miss the heck out of this little girl.